Emma Lazarus Poem | by StatueLibertyNPS Emma Lazarus Poem | by StatueLibrtyNPS (flicker)
If we were to take a page out of Abraham’s playbook on hosting, we might turn to certain rabbinic laws and customs that emerged as a result of a close reading of Genesis 18. As noted above, the host should offer the portions because the host will always be most generous. We should accompany our guests four cubits from the door (about 6 feet) to show them we are not anxious for them to leave. But most of all, we should be mindful of the rabbinic dictum, inspired by Abraham’s narrative, that puts us in the mindset of a good host: “Be happy as you sit at your table and the hungry are enjoying your hospitality” (Derekh Eretz Zuta 9). We should experience joy when we open our tables to others. Professor Daniel Sperber in his series Minhagei Yisrael (Customs of Israel) mentions a kabbalistic practice reported by the medieval scholar Rabbenu Baĥya ben Asher: those who invested a great deal in hosting the poor and the stranger were buried in coffins made out of their tables as a positive judgment on how they welcomed people to their homes. Your table judges you, and you will leave a legacy based on its availability to the stranger.
Moving from ancient wisdom to contemporary practice, we turn for guidance on making guests feel welcome to New York restaurant entrepreneur Danny Meyer in Setting the Table:
Hospitality is measured not by what we are served, but by how we are served, by whether we feel that someone is doing something for us rather than to us. Meyer looks for warmth, enthusiasm, good listening skills, and excellent follow-up in employee hires and evaluates his employees accordingly. Strong interactive skills and emotional intelligence are critical in terms of the atmosphere he tries to create in every eating venue. He aims for what he calls legendary hospitality, the kind of service that makes people remember and talk. He also makes an important distinction between hospitality and service:Hospitality is the foundation of my business philosophy. Virtually nothing else is as important as how one is made to feel in any business transaction. Hospitality exists when you believe the other person is on your side. The converse is just as true. Hospitality is present when something happens for you. It is absent when something happens to you. These two simple prepositions – for and to – express it all.
You might read this and think it’s good advice for a business but not really for a private home. There is truth to this. Yet when people make hospitality their business, best practices surface. Imagine that every time we invited guests we aimed for legendary hospitality. Imagine that we set that standard for our institutions, our schools, synagogues, community centers. And think about the messages we could take away and apply in our own homes. We are not yet close enough to that goal. These hosting behaviors can not only change and deepen our relationships with others, they also model the kind of behavior we should expect in families. In How to Run a Traditional Jewish Household, Blu Greenberg writes that Hakhnasat orĥimUnderstanding the distinction between service and hospitality has been at the foundation of our success. Service is the technical delivery of a product. Hospitality is how the delivery of that product makes its recipient feel. Service is a monologue – we decide how we want to do things and set our own standards for service. Hospitality, on the other hand, is a dialogue. To be on a guest’s side requires listening to that person with every sense, and following up with a thoughtful, gracious response. It takes both great service and great hospitality to rise to the top.
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